AG's Garlic Herb Fettuccini with Portobello Mushrooms

Here's the recipe you've all been waiting for:

1. Buy fettuccini, because it sucks to get home and to realize you forgot to buy the damned pasta.
2. Put said fettuccini in boiling water. Stir so it doesn't get stuck together because it's icky then it clumps together.
3. Oops, you should have probably started grilling your mushrooms by now. Hurry before the pasta's ready! Crap.
4. Take scissors to open the "Garlic and Herb" sauce from Knorr. Concentrate so you don't cut too much and most of the stuff falls out on to the floor. Be carefull not to sneeze either because then your dinner is gone in a puff of powder.
5. When you think your fettuccini is ready take a piece and throw it somewhere, preferrably on the ceiling. If it sticks then it's ready. Then wonder how your going to get the damned peace of pasta off the damned ceiling. It's ok to use profanity now.
6. Hopefully your portos are done by now. Turn your heat way down. No one likes burnt black fungus to eat.
7.Drain pasta and receive facial at the same time. N i c e. Put pasta back in pot. Put 3 tbsp of water in pot. Put 1 tbsp of veggie oil. Pour in Knorr stuff. Mix or fluff or whatever,
8. You can either put the pasta on the plate and put the portos on top or you can swish them in the pot with the pasta.
9. Ta-da, you're done!
10. Enjoy baby, enjoy.